There’s a certain young lady I have had an eye on for some time now in church. She is a stunning beauty, petite, eloquent and kind. I have wanted to talk to her for a while, get her number and see how far we can go.
But I can’t.
You see, cliché type situation, I’m a hustler, and she’s a diva. And this is not the Jay-Z/Beyonce type of situation. I mean I’m an actual hustler. She’s a rich babe, you know what I’m saying? She wears fancy perfumes and dresses, she lives in Lekki, she has a car and I don’t have all these things.
Now before you go all “money isn’t everything” on me, let me lay down a few points.
1. I love the idea of a strong, independent woman. Yes I am a feminist at heart. Like Chimamanda, I believe in the economic, social and political equality of the sexes. I love that she (my church love) has her own thing, a fancy job in which she is a ‘Marketing Executive’. Hmmm.
2. Despite all that, I am a man. I want to be able to provide for my woman. Abi girl. (lol). I want to be able to give her the things she needs, take her out, buy her things.
3. Hence, her financial and economic status being much higher than mine currently has impeded my ability to profess my feelings for her. Shall I buy her a rose when people are buying her rocks and gadgets and perfumes?
4. Don’t you dare go all “If she loves you she will accept you the way you are” on me…cause I will finish you with my Mexican third eye.
5. I really like this girl. But I guess I am really not a feminist. Perhaps my support of ‘Girl Power’ isn’t as authentic as I thought. When she gave me her card, I just knew that was it. No way.
6. Am I really intimidated by her? I think not. I just know right now I can’t provide for her. And that makes me feel less than a man.
7. Hence, I shall like her from afar. And work and wait to be able to walk up to her and say “Miss Thing, would you be my girl?”
I wrote a song to this effect. Coming soon to stores near you.