This is a dead rat

dead rat 2
This is a dead rat

Dear Diary,

This is a dead rat.

(no kidding)

A few experiences I would like to share with you today I have grouped into 3 categories
*The Good
*The Bad
*The Rat

THE GOOD

I got a house!!!! Yaaaay!!! But I won’t jinx it by giving any more detail than I already have.
So there.

Also, remember those vicious rats that have bothered me for such a long time? Well, do you also remember the Word of God that says that (and I paraphrase) “Those filthy rats that you see today, you shall see them no more”?
Mind you, they were two of them, my friend Kayito (please follow him on Twitter @kayitonwokedi) not-so-aptly named Chinwetalu and Okonkwo.
Not-so-aptly because one of them, probably the Okonkwo just gave birth. So except Okonkwo is a male child-bearing homosexual lover of Chinwetalu rat, then I put it to you Kayito that Okonkwo is an Nkechi.

By the way, why did he name those rats Igbo names? (Scratching chin)

Anyway, the good news is that my chivalrous, tall ‘Knight-in-Shiny-Armor neighbor, Jerry (follow him @Bazhead14 who knows what ambominations he can kill for you?) has killed Chinwetalu. He killed the rat single-handedly and courageously!!! Meanwhile, his mother was upstairs heaving down insults on the poor dying rat, “IDIOT!!!” “ANIMAL!!!!”

Ah Ah, Mama calm down, the rat is dead now.

So now Chinwetalu is dead, poor Okonk…..oops, Nkechi is now left all alone to fend for her poor ratlings, or whatever baby rats are called,. I kinda feel bad for her though.

Le Sigh.

THE BAD

Today, God chided me for being stingy and grumpy. I was walking towards the Airport taxi park to take a cab from Ikeja to work. And I passed by a beggar, God told me to give him my cab money and walk to work.

I didn’t.
I passed by the man and kept on walking. God kept calling me back and then I stopped and turned, all the while grumbling in my heart. I didn’t feel like walking to work. And then I gave the man the money, which isn’t very much anyway. The man thanked me very earnestly and then I was pricked in my Spirit. Very pricked.
I felt very bad about my attitude. And I begged God for forgiveness. One should never complain or think twice about trying to make someone else’s day a little brighter considering that we are already so blessed.

And now, a colleague was robbed and I feel no bite giving a little to help…

GOD, forgive me.

THE RAT

Well, haven’t I already talked about the rat? What more do you want to hear?

Oh yeah.

The man sitting beside me in the bus to Ikeja farted on me. Really. He lifted his left side and his behind faced my right hip…
and he farted.
I was reading a book, I looked up at him, his eyes were shifty. He thought I wouldn’t hear the sound or feel the vibration of the seat as he messed. But I did, the seat vibrated. And I didn’t say anything. As a matter of fact I smiled and continued reading my book.

Later on, the bus began to smell like Chinwetalu…in my mind.

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11 thoughts on “This is a dead rat

  1. For the Good: Congratulations!! House-warming! About the Bad: Wisdom is Profitable to Direct To the Rat: 99 days for the ‘ thief’ but one day for the owner

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  2. It becomes a lot more interesting when the blogger is a skilled photographer.That rat looks so damn dead.Jerry’s mother must have been so inscenced ;she called the rat ‘ANIMAL!!!!’. Funny how the rats took on those Igbo names especially ‘Nkechi’.Plus…that book that made you smile and accomodate the chaos…

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  3. The way Ÿ̲̣̣̣̥ø̲̣̣̥u̶̲̥̅̊ ended the write-up was epic, giving to the poor is a good thing but I’d always state that we should continue to impress it in the minds of this people that physical handicap isn’t mental handicap and even the mentally handicapped are not begging for alms in the developed nations which of course is a function of good governance. Nice piece Nonso

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  4. Lol. Nonso, u will not kill me. I totally related with phantom smells! Sometimes I just smell something (most times horrid) and its all in my head. Lol. Smh .

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  5. I saw ‘This is a dead rat’, knew there’d probably be a picture of a dead rat, ignored my spirit man and clicked on the link anyway. Now I’m officially grossed outta my mind. Nonso love, move outta Lagos. In Warri, you don’t get farted on or groped and in my opinion, being kidnapped is a wayyyy sexier experience than either :p

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