Hot Day, Cranky neighbours and church farts


Dear Diary,
          Let me begin by telling you that remarkable things don’t happen everyday, not unless you’re Oprah or Donald Trump or Beyoncé. So I won’t have stuff to tell you everyday.

Having said that, it behooves me to inform you that my neighbours are fighting. Two of the women fought first, then the husband of the darker, fatter woman separated the fight and then turned on the fairer fat woman.
“Woman wey dey tif pant no be better woman” He said.
“Eeehn, I dey tif pant. You wetin you dey tif? You dey carry another man wife dey fuck dey fuck dey fuck!! You no dey shame!! Fucky-fucky!!!”

I just….can’t…. *faints*

I can’t blame them though. The weather is swelteringly oven-like. The sun is unforgiving. The rain and storm of a few days ago fell a few polls that give us power so we don’t have light…again. To think they just fixed the light only a day before, after the storm of last 2 Sundays did some damage to the poles.

Dear Diary, I have a question about this farting in church thing.

Is it wrong?
What if you have gas and you can’t control it and you are on stage singing or something?
I used to judge people who do that. Then it happened to me. Now I judge myself. Is farting exactly wrong? What if it doesn’t smell? What if it does and you’re really sorry? What if you isolate yourself to fart and that’s when someone decides they want to talk to you all of a sudden, and your fart is beginning to stink?
So many what-ifs about this farting thing shaa.

Logging out.


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