Look at that magnificent head of hair.
I’d love to have that at some point in my life.
Really. I do.
I know there are the perks and the obstacles to achieving this. And I shall hereby enumerate.
1. I shall look like a rockstar. Yes I shall, not exactly an actual rock rockstar, maybe a Bob Marley type character. Only hotter.
2. If that fails, I shall look like one of those Tyler Perry actor men people. I grew up with the notion that people who keep dreadlocks are possessed by demons or have been sacrificed to the gods to be Nazarites for the rest of their miserable lives.
3. I wanna be a singer. And it would rock big time to whip my locks as I titillate and mesmerise the audience with my insanely amazing talent and persona.
Of course I do not want locks that long and thick and wild.
I didn’t mean that to sound sexual at all. I am a child of God.
Now the challenges that face the achieving of this goal.
1. Parental and Social Wahala.
I can imagine the three day long lecture I shall receive backed with scriptural quotes and traditional and customary proverbs and parables. And of course, some people would ask me silly questions. “Ah Ah? Why are you keeping dada?” “Se owa okay?!” “Don’t you know it’s not good?”
I can’t even roll my eyes hard enough at the thought already.
2. The job.
I am currently a civil servant. We are set in our ways, you know. My new look shall be frowned upon.
It is unfair.
My friend Bem who is an amazing artiste has the most beautiful afro, and his office hasn’t forced him to remove it. I envy him so much right now.
Anyway, I will lock my hair at some point soon. And bulk up as well, because dreads happen to look phenomenal with a muscular body.
Yes I am a vain, vain person.
3. The greatest obstacle to achieving this look is ME.
Yes. Me. I am my own greatest obstacle. Because I am afraid of the outcome, the reaction and perception I have hereby crippled my mind from willing my body to move and do the needful. (speaking of which, where is Stella Oduah our fired Aviation Minister?)