Lagos Fashion and Fake Accents

Dear Diary,

          Can I please for a moment talk about how fake many people who “work in fashion” are?!
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No?

I will anyway.

Got together with a friend last night and we got talking about this. It is really sad, and funny, and appalling to note that people who once lived (probably still do) live on the mainland and spoke normal English and took buses and okadas and keke marwas now form nonsense forming. We talked about a stylist whose name I shall not mention, he can form nonsense forming for Africa. He would come in speaking with a faux British accent and air kissing all the people there. When they all had to go out one time, someone suggested chartering a keke, he gasped “No, I don’t do keke. Strictly cabs or I’m not going.”

Shooo???

Wasn’t it later that the office driver confronted him “No be you I see for inside keke that day? I dey shout your name, you form say you no hear me. Will you shut up your mouth there!!!”
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Or the other ‘famous’ stylist guy who like the first one “doesn’t take buses” and “doesn’t shop at Mr Price” because it is “beneath him”. Shebi this same office driver was instructed to take him home. The man was expecting the young stylist to direct him to Lekki where all the cab-taking, British accented people live, but alas, Ikotun is where they found themselves. The boy instructed the driver to stop at a palatial looking mansion and drive off. The driver thought “OK at least the house no bad” but no, the boy entered the shanty house next door.

If I call this guy’s name, eh?!
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Let’s not even head up to the more “affluent” folk cause I have a potload of names and head-shaking stories of fakery.
Is it that because you work in fashion you lose the right to be real to yourself and those around you?

What is with the fake accents and bitch attitudes? What is with the lack of originality? What is wrong with living in Surulere, Agege, Egbeda? Must you live in Ikoyi or VI to be cool? I mean, those who were born there, or whose families live there, or who can honestly afford to live on the island, I’m happy for them, good for them. But please for Crying in a bucket’s sake, be real.
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Some model called me a bitch when I said I would be going to church instead of coming to watch her during a fashion show. I almost forgot my Christianity and strangled her to death. But thank God for Jesus.

p.s. Not everyone that works in fashion is snooty o. The surprising thing is that there are many real people, true to who they are. If you genuinely have an accent, speak it well, good for you. But if you don’t, then give me that crap cause I will hiss at you.

p.p.s. To those whose eyebrows are raised to the sky asking me “but don’t you have an accent?” No darling, what I have is proper intonation. You won’t get it. So just leave it alone.
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11 thoughts on “Lagos Fashion and Fake Accents

  1. Just reading this… I attended Lfdw recently and this was the weird case… Kayito and I were gisting about this… This very funny forming thing… So people are even so used to it that they are talking normally and once someone they don’t know comes to join the conversation, the switch is demonically automatic… God help us… Smh

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  2. Gud 1 nonso…altho I strongly feel dat d Nigeria of 2day has totally become a place were pple pick dis “forming” over originality,authenticity nd pure creativity,dats wut d issue rilly is..if u sellin a market dat pple don’t want or need,u’ll quickly switch 2 a more needed commodity,in essense…”forming” sadly sells..

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  3. ‘I almost forgot my Christianity and strangled her to death. But thank God for Jesus.’ LMAO!
    Oh Nonso, you and your biting sense of humour.
    And its true, I didn’t think of you until I got to the bit about your purported accent. What you do have is proper intonation. Lol. Thanks for that distinction.

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  4. Loool!! Chioma would be proud you used it here.

    I wish there is a crew that simply goes around revealing the true identity of them fashion peeps just like all them shows that expose cheaters.

    Maybe they’d just pop up when they are about jumping a bus or in Yaba market pricing one material or the other speaking all sorts that ain’t British whatsoever. I’ve noticed that majority of these fashion peeps can trek…CHAI!

    For the British accent ish it ain’t annoying as much cause we don’t hear them much. If you should attack anyone please let it be them OAP. Every radio station except Wazobia has a foreigner and half the time I get a headache. Gone are the days I tune in to relax by listening to the radio, sad.

    Liked by 1 person

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