Dear Diary,

       What is up with cake icing today? Why have bakers decided to use extravagant icing and decorating to shadow the fact that underneath it all, their cakes are just bland and ordinary?

I know I know nothing of the arduous task of baking. But as an avid cake monster

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I have every right to protest. Of course many bakers get it right and I love them for this but please, to those who don’t, be a good baker first and a graffiti artist later.

I’m not fan of cake icing. If I were President of Cake Republic, then any other icing other than simple butter topping would be cocaïne, ILLEGAL. But I’m not, life goes on. Whatever.
I am a minimalist, in many aspects of my life. I believe that less is more. And in matters concerned with cakedom, I love my cakes simple and delicious. Let the taste of the cake speak for your work as a baker. When your baking is 100%, then you may proceed to become a cake stylist.

I absolutely hate fondant icing.

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Why should I pay extra for icing so hard I cut my teeth trying to bite into it? I said I wanted cake, not metal sugar.

I hate fruit cake.

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On this I fight with my mother and most other people. Look, if you like being distracted by other things while you’re eating cake you paid money for and said you wanted, fine. Good for you.
Me? When I eat cake, I want to eat cake, not cake and nuts, not cake and raisins or dates or dried fruit. Cake. Simply cake. Just cake. Uurgh. Holla if you feel me in here!!

I hate brandy or rum in my cake. Someone I know marijuana’d a piece of cake she baked specially for her parents so they’d be so high in the sky and wouldn’t remember signing a fat check for her to go shopping.

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First, I love her.
Second, I fear her.
Third, I don’t want cake with any other substances other than chocolate, vanilla, strawberry, lemon or cheese. No alcohol please. I’ll have that in a drink on the side if I feel like it. I’m not buying that 3 month old fresh cake story.
No sir!!!

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I absolutely love chocolate cake.

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Let me give it a moment to sink in.

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*exhales*

Chocolate is heavenly. Light, dark, bittersweet, sweet, extra dark. Chocolate is bliss. And when you bake that bliss into a piece of cake. Let me give it another moment.

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Black forest cake,

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cheese cake,

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red velvet cake,

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white forest cake. Carrot cake. Lemon cake. Cupcakes. Don’t even get me started on brownies and muffins.

Le sigh.

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22 thoughts on “

  1. This is sooo unfair Nonso. Niccurs are trying to lose some weight and you are feeding us with the sight of this delicious awesomeness that is chocolate cake. Be blowing up some serious cravings; why Nonso, why? I think I just gained a few looking at these pictures. Thanks Nonso. Just thanks.
    P.s I do agree…that fondant icing is a crime. Ugh.

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  2. #sniff..sniff😢 you totally read my mind. And mother shud be arrested for murdering cakes with fondant and fruits…. We want justice for the cakes!!

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  3. Bless God for such heavenly ‘swith’-ness. Cakes and their different tastes… help me Jesus, help me Jesus, help me Jesus… help me Jesus, help me Jesus!!! HELP ME JESUS!!!!! *entering spirit mode*

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  4. Oh Nonso, you don’t understand how this has made my day. I’m on a diet at the moment and I’m grateful I was able to feed my eyes a little. And I absolutely agree with you on the icing and fruit cake matter. They’re even times where there’s more icing than cake which is a capital offense as far as I’m concerned. Anyhow luv, thanks for sharing

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  5. Carrot cake! More like gorge my eyes out cake. Unless one is Elma fudd hunting for rabbits on duck season., carrot cake is a no-go. It has a harsh taste and a tad too carroty”. I’d stick with lemon cake if I wanna go all fruit and veggie.

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  6. First off you really got pictures that are spot on. The fruit cake is simply ugly and offensive and for the fondant icing that to me is just a WEIST.
    Secondly I hate you for putting me in this state….all I can think about now is CHOCOLATE CAKE, CHEESE CAKE AND MORE CHOCOLATE CAKE!!!
    Smh!! May God forgive you.

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  7. Nonso I totally agree with u! Y d heck would I eat cake with distractions? Or eat cake and get High? Just plain and simple does d trick, chocolate, red velvet, cheese cake Hmmmmmm! Ice cream cake! Heavenlyyyyyyyyyy! Less is more, #proudcakeaholic!

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