A few things grieve me deeply.
1. My ears that itch like a particular sonofa*#%h whenever I don’t have any cotton bud to clean then and suddenly become sparkling clean and itch-free the minute I buy a pack of cotton buds.
2. People that ask how my night was. Seriously, was I supposed to sit up and watch the night pass? I have a life. I was asleep. Duh!!!
3. Cockroaches that switch to winged mode whenever I’m chasing them. That thing is like witchcraft plus horror movies plus Jim-Iyke’s-lips-touching-your-skin-level of grossness all in one.
4. This particular picture of a Mr Universe Nigeria contestant.
Does he want to poop? Does he have diarrhoea? Constipation? Cardiac arrest? Who even selects these people anyway?
5. Some of the other contestants. Shake your head with me as we both peruse.
Me too. I am worried.
Haha. Fish face!!!
Despite all the labour he is apparently putting in to look sexy (FAIL) abs no show. Chai!!!
See the one they put to represent my beloved Cross River State.
6. This screen shot from a Yoruba movie.
Please God. Stop yoruba film makers before they ruin us all.
7. Mariah Carey’s plenty plenty hand and head movements whilst she sings.
Madam please stay one place. All that hand-flitting is giving me a headache. You can’t even sing like before. Stop using your fingers and flailing arms to distract us from your obvious lack of vocal je ne sais quoi.
8. People that will yab me for dissing the Queen Mariah Carey.
9. The skinny Jennifer Hudson.
Girl, put on some weight!!!
10. What was the inspiration behind the expression “wee hours of the morning”? I get that it means early hours of the morning. But what’s the ‘wee’ all about?