DESPERADO

Dear Diary,

     Still in the Throwback spirit, let’s talk old movies.

Desperado

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You know how when you’re a child all movies are either superbly amazing or just plain boring…and when you grow up to see those movies again they are either still amazing or more terrible, sometimes they switch from being boring to pretty amazing because now you understand what exactly is going on there.

Well, Desperado moved from amazing to CRAPPY AS HELL!!!!

So, I was at Ego’s place…again.

At this point, let me state for the record that I am not attached to her apron strings. I don’t go there a lot as you may be inclined to think actually. But whenever I do, there always seems to be a story to tell afterwards.

So I was there, and I turned on the TV, Desperado was about to begin. I was excited. I remember when I first saw it as a street urchin hanging outside one of our rich neighbours ‘ door. This was sometime around Aaliyah’s death, big screen TVs were becoming a thing of status. Mr Cordelia’s father Smart just bought a big screen TV and we the neighbourhood children were in awe of him and our parents were naturally green with envy.
Mr and Mrs Cordelia’s parents knew the street children loved to hang around to watch TV and they generously left their door open for all of us scruffy urchins to watch from outside. Desperado was showing, I just had to stand outside the open door to watch it.

It was everything a young boy with hopes of being a badass swashbuckling badass could be.
Gunslinging skill, check.

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Pretty woman by his side, check.
Mexico, check.

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Explosions, check.

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Blood, check.

It was the Latino “The Good, The Bad & The Ugly”

I mean!!!!

Antonio Banderas was the Latin Chuck Norris, Bruce Willis, Van Damme and Jet Li all in one. Desperado was the movie of the century as far as I was concerned.

Fast forward 13 years after, Desperado is about to show again. I want to relive those childhood moments of adrenaline and nostalgia and everything. So I wait. The movie starts. I wait. The movie is half an hour in. I wait. The movie is halfway through to the end. I’m rolling my eyes vigorously. Still waiting. The movie’s idea of a climax has approached. I wait. The climax has happened. I am painfully disappointed. Still, I wait. Maybe there’s hope in the end. I wait. The movie ends. I feel like I solicited the services of an old prostitute with herpes. All my waiting.

For nothing.

Desperado has come and gone and all I could see was Telemundo, Telemundo, Telemundo. Overdramatic, Latin music, terrible acting, poor plot play, Salma Hayek in all her début hotness with the 2 different coloured shoes she wore, Antonio Banderas is actually quite a terrible actor when you really think about it, Telemundo, more Telemundo.

Now I’m afraid to see Mask of Zorro again because I don’t want to hate it as much as I now hate Desperado. Let my childhood memories be left intact.

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2 thoughts on “DESPERADO

  1. You made a mistake Nonso, and that was rewatching it. As technology evolves, thoughts evolve, actions evolve and to wrap it technology evolves. So what you saw as pretty awesome as a child, you will most likely not see so because thought processes have evolved. You take a child to cinema today to see edge of tomorrow and he will think highly of it, fast forward 20yrs, he’d most likely not think same. But the ultimate mistake you made is to think that Banderas was terrible, you need to run a check on him.. So many peeps could not be mad at d same time to award him a lot. Dude oozed charisma, confidence, finesse and the accent again was something else.. He is suave to say the least and I dare you to watch ‘Assasins’ again that is if you watched it before and watch mask of Zorro, I can go on.. Don’t judge him based on what obtains at present but the ability to own the role.. He did own those roles.. Nice piece!

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    • No. I’ve seen old movies that are still classics. Quo Vadis, Sound of Music, Clash of the Titans, Ten Commandments, Titanic, Jaws, El Cid, The King & I. The list goes on and on. Desperado was just a crappy movie abeg.

      Maybe Antonio Banderas is a sterling actor, but he certainly wasn’t in Desperado.

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