A Few Of My Favourite Things This Week.

Dear Diary,

        A few of my favourite things this week.

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A classy WEDnesday WEDding

Dear Diary,

          I was invited to sing at a wedding on Wednesday. I thought it a little weird for a wedding to take place on a Wednesday evening, but then I figured…it’s a WEDnesday, so I guessed it made perfect sense.

It was in Ikoyi. The setup was simple, classy and smelled of OLD money. That’s the best kind. Subtle and not at all ostentatious. 

The wedding was out under the trees overlooking the wavy waters and the reception was on the other side of the fenced divide. I met the groom, thought he was very practical coming straight from work in his green shirt and tie until it dawned on me that green was the colour of the evening. I felt so out of place in the blue something I wore.

Speaking of practicality, there were no bridesmaids or groomsmen. I heaved a heavy sigh of relief. I am so over the bridesmaid/maid of honour-Groosmen/best man tradition.

Champagne was in abundance. The venue overlooked the water dividing Ikoyi and Victoria Island. The couple said their vows under a mango tree and a palm tree both whistling and dancing in the ocean wind.
The guests were few, thank God, and everyone spoke proper English and said ‘please’, ‘excuse me’ and ‘thank you’.
Other than the waves splashing salt water on my face every now and then, I’d say the event went on without a hitch.

So here I was at this fabulous wedding and the food menu promised so much artistic and culinary wonder and all I just wanted to eat right now is Agege bread. Someone stab me in the foot already. You can take the man out of the bush, but….you know…

The DJ started playing a Psquare song and the groom freaked. “NO NIGERIAN SONGS PLEASE!!!”

LoL. I wasn’t surprised, both bride and groom, most of they family and friends came in from abroad. I ain’t judging.

I ate Herbed Basmati rice, beef roulade with salsa, a peculiar kind of salad I haven’t seen before, plantain slices and chicken in groundnut sauce. Hmmmm.
I missed the chocolate cake but was consoled with a healthy helping of red velvet cake with ice cream and wafers.
Hmmm. I will stop at this point. The bushman in me is coming up and out of control thinking about this.

Island weddings rock!!!

Ama and her 5 birthday cakes.

Dear Diary,

         Whilst I was here fantasising about cakes and mourning the new wave of cake making wherein the bakers make Less Cake and More Cream, my dear friend Ama Hogan decided to taunt me.

It was her birthday last Saturday, and being the popular girl she is in the East London scene, or something like that, she got 5 cakes.

5 CAKES!!! Ice cream cake, red velvet butter cake, white forest cake and chocolate cake.
I HATE HER!!!!!!!!!

She didn’t have the decency to send me some. She instead decided to send me all the photos.

What are we supposed to do with mere pictures?
Don’t we hate her??!!!

Dear Diary,

       What is up with cake icing today? Why have bakers decided to use extravagant icing and decorating to shadow the fact that underneath it all, their cakes are just bland and ordinary?

I know I know nothing of the arduous task of baking. But as an avid cake monster

I have every right to protest. Of course many bakers get it right and I love them for this but please, to those who don’t, be a good baker first and a graffiti artist later.

I’m not fan of cake icing. If I were President of Cake Republic, then any other icing other than simple butter topping would be cocaïne, ILLEGAL. But I’m not, life goes on. Whatever.
I am a minimalist, in many aspects of my life. I believe that less is more. And in matters concerned with cakedom, I love my cakes simple and delicious. Let the taste of the cake speak for your work as a baker. When your baking is 100%, then you may proceed to become a cake stylist.

I absolutely hate fondant icing.

Why should I pay extra for icing so hard I cut my teeth trying to bite into it? I said I wanted cake, not metal sugar.

I hate fruit cake.

On this I fight with my mother and most other people. Look, if you like being distracted by other things while you’re eating cake you paid money for and said you wanted, fine. Good for you.
Me? When I eat cake, I want to eat cake, not cake and nuts, not cake and raisins or dates or dried fruit. Cake. Simply cake. Just cake. Uurgh. Holla if you feel me in here!!

I hate brandy or rum in my cake. Someone I know marijuana’d a piece of cake she baked specially for her parents so they’d be so high in the sky and wouldn’t remember signing a fat check for her to go shopping.

First, I love her.
Second, I fear her.
Third, I don’t want cake with any other substances other than chocolate, vanilla, strawberry, lemon or cheese. No alcohol please. I’ll have that in a drink on the side if I feel like it. I’m not buying that 3 month old fresh cake story.
No sir!!!

I absolutely love chocolate cake.

Let me give it a moment to sink in.

*exhales*

Chocolate is heavenly. Light, dark, bittersweet, sweet, extra dark. Chocolate is bliss. And when you bake that bliss into a piece of cake. Let me give it another moment.

Black forest cake,

cheese cake,

red velvet cake,

white forest cake. Carrot cake. Lemon cake. Cupcakes. Don’t even get me started on brownies and muffins.

Le sigh.