Basically my weekend was…

Yesterday Vivienne dragged me to a wedding.
In Ikeja.
As her date.
Much younger date.
You know,
younger men…
older women…
All the rage now.

Anyway, the wedding, I don’t want to diss it, but I will summarise it all:
the rude caterers, the waiters that bluntly refused to serve us food or drinks, the rowdy guests; more than half of which of course are unknown to the bride and groom, the few polished people that looked so uncomfortable seated amongst the uncouth majority, the male and female M.Cs that were deeply not-funny and whose jokes grated on my nerves, the passersby who saw a wedding party and crashed it to eat free food, the people who went around with crisp N100 notes to sell for those archaic people who still spray money on newlyweds during their first dance despite CBN’s ban on that Naira-bastardizing act, the simply awful people who hid their plates of just-finished food under their tables and then said to the waiters “Since I came, I haven’t even seen water to drink.”,
I summarise it all with this picture of the plate of small chops I finally received.

Today, Service was great. My old friend I don’t get to see often, Kezi came to my church and since people seem to think we look alike, I took him round and paraded him off as my brother and everyone fell for it.

He so vain, ain’t he?

It’s raining profusely. It’s Segun’s birthday

and he (left) Gbenga. (right) and I(nowhere in sight) were supposed to go see X-Men together but alas, the rains would not let them even near Surulere. 😦 ߘȰߑ

Tomorrow is the day I shall summon the courage to inform my boss that I am off to South Africa to partake in a televised music talent competition show. I hope he takes it well, and says yes. If he doesn’t, well, I’m still going shaaa.

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A classy WEDnesday WEDding

Dear Diary,

          I was invited to sing at a wedding on Wednesday. I thought it a little weird for a wedding to take place on a Wednesday evening, but then I figured…it’s a WEDnesday, so I guessed it made perfect sense.

It was in Ikoyi. The setup was simple, classy and smelled of OLD money. That’s the best kind. Subtle and not at all ostentatious. 

The wedding was out under the trees overlooking the wavy waters and the reception was on the other side of the fenced divide. I met the groom, thought he was very practical coming straight from work in his green shirt and tie until it dawned on me that green was the colour of the evening. I felt so out of place in the blue something I wore.

Speaking of practicality, there were no bridesmaids or groomsmen. I heaved a heavy sigh of relief. I am so over the bridesmaid/maid of honour-Groosmen/best man tradition.

Champagne was in abundance. The venue overlooked the water dividing Ikoyi and Victoria Island. The couple said their vows under a mango tree and a palm tree both whistling and dancing in the ocean wind.
The guests were few, thank God, and everyone spoke proper English and said ‘please’, ‘excuse me’ and ‘thank you’.
Other than the waves splashing salt water on my face every now and then, I’d say the event went on without a hitch.

So here I was at this fabulous wedding and the food menu promised so much artistic and culinary wonder and all I just wanted to eat right now is Agege bread. Someone stab me in the foot already. You can take the man out of the bush, but….you know…

The DJ started playing a Psquare song and the groom freaked. “NO NIGERIAN SONGS PLEASE!!!”

LoL. I wasn’t surprised, both bride and groom, most of they family and friends came in from abroad. I ain’t judging.

I ate Herbed Basmati rice, beef roulade with salsa, a peculiar kind of salad I haven’t seen before, plantain slices and chicken in groundnut sauce. Hmmmm.
I missed the chocolate cake but was consoled with a healthy helping of red velvet cake with ice cream and wafers.
Hmmm. I will stop at this point. The bushman in me is coming up and out of control thinking about this.

Island weddings rock!!!

Ama and her 5 birthday cakes.

Dear Diary,

         Whilst I was here fantasising about cakes and mourning the new wave of cake making wherein the bakers make Less Cake and More Cream, my dear friend Ama Hogan decided to taunt me.

It was her birthday last Saturday, and being the popular girl she is in the East London scene, or something like that, she got 5 cakes.

5 CAKES!!! Ice cream cake, red velvet butter cake, white forest cake and chocolate cake.
I HATE HER!!!!!!!!!

She didn’t have the decency to send me some. She instead decided to send me all the photos.

What are we supposed to do with mere pictures?
Don’t we hate her??!!!

New House. New Marriages. New Beginnings.

Dear Readers,

      I haven’t told you I’ve moved houses.

I thought I’d have attachment issues, so  stalled moving because I guess it’s never easy saying goodbye to a place you’ve called home for over a year. The damn house had rats, mosquitoes, roaches, and of course became an extension of the river Nile everytime it rained, but I still loved it.
I never got to say goodbye to Nkechi my pet house rat. Can’t say I’ll miss her much. But my neighbourhood pet dog, Ultimate I shall miss. Now I’m out I don’t feel so attached anymore.

So this is a toast to new beginnings.

My new little room, my friends that got married this month; Patrick & Seunfunmi, Iserena & Johnson,

Jerry & Chiaka,

Kim & Kanye my very best friends.

To new experiences, a fresh adventure, little beginnings. May we all find joy and fulfilment along the way.
Thank you to all of y’all who read my journal.
Thank you.

The responses. The love. The numerous BBM, Twitter, Whatsapp, email and blog comments, opinions, hate, critiquing and love have all been taken in good faith.

Stayed Up All Night Watching Scandal

Dear Diary,

       I slept at Ego’s house last night. (Ego is my big sister. Not so big though. Just 2 years bigger)
I went there because she cooked Afang soup. And I had to eat that.

Although it’d be more apt to say I STAYED at Ego’s last night considering that I didn’t sleep one wink. Ego, her friend Precious and I were up all night watching Scandal season 3 reruns. 

That show is amazing!!!

Shonda Rhimes is AMAZING!!!

Ego wasn’t up for watching the show with us but at some point she had to wake up because Precious and I couldn’t ‘HMMM’ loud enough. Between us both we downed 4 bottles of Pepsi, Coke, Fanta and Mirinda and actually clinking our bottles and saying cheers to every one of Olivia Pope’s victories.
God that show is amazing!!!

LoL don’t they look just terrible? LoL

We finished Scandal season 3 at 4:52am and then I tried to sleep. I dreamed that I was also amazing, like Olivia and Papa and Mama Pope. But just as soon as I was about to crack a case and have a major victory, Ego kicked me awake. It was time to get up for work.

She ruined my victory!!
My Olivia Pope moment. Ruined!!

I Hate her.!!!!!!!!

In other unrelated news. It’s Africa Fashion Week Nigeria.
How do I know? Well, it pays to have friends in fashion…and also the thing held in the hall next to the one my church meets at at the Eko Hotel.

I was around to see the preps for the show, all the models on full display; long legs, diva attitudes and all. And of course no fashion show would be complete without The Gays of our Lives, strutting their…stuff across the hallways, selling their market, helping designers and other preparations for the show or pretending they actually have any single shred of talent for designing clothes or putting clothes together.
Just because you wear ‘different’ clothes don’t make you a designer or stylist. I’m just done with this.

So, in honour of the current fashion week, I chose to do something I would not normally do. Be fashionable.

OK I just lied.

But I did put on white trousers though.

Yes. And I don’t look like a mafia gang member or a secondary school boy.

No pictures please.

So I urge everyone this week to just do it. Throw caution to the wind and live vicariously, dress-wise of course.

Now I’m at work, sleep-depraved. Turns out The Star audition I went for and got in showed up in the Vanguard on Friday. Now my colleagues are all over me. Could today be anymore embarrassing?

Seriously guys, I’m wearing white pants here.
And I look juvenile in that newspaper article photo.

*covers face*

I popped the question.

Dear Diary,

I fake proposed to the love of my life yesterday.

You never met her.

Her name is Faith.

She is beautiful. And funny. And smart. And witty. And petite. And.
She is amazing.

And she said yes.

Together we shall rule my DREAMS forever!!!

THE END!!!

p.s. Happy Anniversary to my wonderful parents. Y’all have been the parents of my life, literally.

THE REAL END!!!