Dear Diary,

       What is up with cake icing today? Why have bakers decided to use extravagant icing and decorating to shadow the fact that underneath it all, their cakes are just bland and ordinary?

I know I know nothing of the arduous task of baking. But as an avid cake monster

I have every right to protest. Of course many bakers get it right and I love them for this but please, to those who don’t, be a good baker first and a graffiti artist later.

I’m not fan of cake icing. If I were President of Cake Republic, then any other icing other than simple butter topping would be cocaïne, ILLEGAL. But I’m not, life goes on. Whatever.
I am a minimalist, in many aspects of my life. I believe that less is more. And in matters concerned with cakedom, I love my cakes simple and delicious. Let the taste of the cake speak for your work as a baker. When your baking is 100%, then you may proceed to become a cake stylist.

I absolutely hate fondant icing.

Why should I pay extra for icing so hard I cut my teeth trying to bite into it? I said I wanted cake, not metal sugar.

I hate fruit cake.

On this I fight with my mother and most other people. Look, if you like being distracted by other things while you’re eating cake you paid money for and said you wanted, fine. Good for you.
Me? When I eat cake, I want to eat cake, not cake and nuts, not cake and raisins or dates or dried fruit. Cake. Simply cake. Just cake. Uurgh. Holla if you feel me in here!!

I hate brandy or rum in my cake. Someone I know marijuana’d a piece of cake she baked specially for her parents so they’d be so high in the sky and wouldn’t remember signing a fat check for her to go shopping.

First, I love her.
Second, I fear her.
Third, I don’t want cake with any other substances other than chocolate, vanilla, strawberry, lemon or cheese. No alcohol please. I’ll have that in a drink on the side if I feel like it. I’m not buying that 3 month old fresh cake story.
No sir!!!

I absolutely love chocolate cake.

Let me give it a moment to sink in.

*exhales*

Chocolate is heavenly. Light, dark, bittersweet, sweet, extra dark. Chocolate is bliss. And when you bake that bliss into a piece of cake. Let me give it another moment.

Black forest cake,

cheese cake,

red velvet cake,

white forest cake. Carrot cake. Lemon cake. Cupcakes. Don’t even get me started on brownies and muffins.

Le sigh.