LAGOSIAN DEVELOPMENT PLAN : HOUSES IN THE SKY

Dear Diary,

Lagos is growing at an exponential rate and due to the fast diminishing availability of land, we need to build Houses in the sky.

Lagos is growing, more people are appearing. House prices are crazy. Yet whenever I see housing estates springing up, they are disappointingly still ground level houses.

Do we not see that the population is only going to increase and Lagos doesn’t have that much land to spare? So all the land owners and builders, why don’t you approach accommodation more sensibly and futuristically and build houses in the sky?
Yes it would cost more, but you will earn more, and of course there will be more space for people to live in comfortably and in the long run, it would be more cost-effective.

There’s no more land, but there is a lot of sky. So let’s do like the Asians, build high rise housing, develop the slums and not-so-fancy areas of living into affordable chic residential settlements. Give people affordable spaces to live above sea level. The ‘Island’ wasn’t always this fancy. It was a swamp. But look what vision has brought it.

We can do the same with Ijora, Ajegunle, Ebutte Metta, Ogba, Isolo, Shomolu, Ojota, Ikorodu

LAGOSIAN DEVELOPMENT PLAN : CONCERT HALLS NEEDED

Dear Diary,

Today I will talk about my third point concerning Lagos’ growth and development.
Concert Halls, no more Malls.

All the shops on Adeniran Ogunsanya and Bode Thomas, Surulere, all them ones at Allen and Opebi, Ikeja, have people finished buying what’s inside?

All the markets we have in Lagos that have people literally dragging you by the hair, arms and clothes to come patronise them are still there, but we are still building more malls. 

Shebi Woolworths has packed up because they were not selling? Who would have gone to buy any of those ridiculously expensive things when Balogun market still meets every Saturday? Now I hear Gucci is coming. Hmmmm.

Anyway, my point is, we have a growing music industry and more and more concerts are happening but we do not have proper halls or outdoor centres built strictly for the purpose of concerts, like Radio City, Lincoln Centre, The Apollo in New York.

The National Theatre pictured below,

is basically out of commission and that area is unsafe, no help from the Government there. All we have now is Eko Hotel.

Eko Hotel that charges outrageous sums despite the fact that the Power supply there is more epileptic than it is at my house in Idi Araba, Surulere.

(oops, I just gave away my location)

They tore down that Ikoyi shopping centre and I prayed that someone would have the vision to build a proper concert hall, a commodity we lack in Lagos, Nigeria’s entertainment hub. A concert hall that can cater to rockstar-Beyoncé-Madonna-Black Eyed Peas-Michael Jackson type concerts as well as small intimate shows. A beautiful edifice we can make key holders and souvenirs of, like the Stature of Liberty and the Eiffel tower of New York and Paris.
But no, they are building yet another mall.

And I can only sigh.

LAGOSIAN DEVELOPMENT PLAN : NO MORE CHILDREN FOR BEGGARS

Dear Diary,

Lagos, as I said, is fast becoming a world city, an internationally recognised metropolis, the major hub of business in West Africa and one of the reasons Nigeria has become the 25th largest economy in the world.

However, somethings need to be done.
I started with my opinion on the need to ban further formation of new churches taking up space that can be used to companies and job opportunities that would be better for the economy than another prayer space.
Today I continue with another harsh medicinal point.

2.       Ban beggars from reproducing.
Notice how rich people or members of the upper and at times lower middle classes of society with the means to provide for their families hardly ever have more than 4 children? At least in this day and age.
But you also must have noticed how beggar women pile their children on their heads, tie them on their backs or make them trail behind in their numbers to go about the street begging.

China had an interesting way of dealing with this. They banned ALL families from having over 2 children. Because they are sensible, they had their economists and statistical demographers look into the future and they saw that the numerous child-having habit wasn’t gonna help them in the future. So they sensibly opted to nip it in the bud.

One family. One child.

But no, here in Nigeria you must at least have 5 or you haven’t started. Let me at this point remind you that jobs are already so hard to get. Not as many people are as enterprising as would be healthy for our economy, the Universities churn out more graduates than most others in the world, 3 quarters of whom are airheads, or cannot get jobs, or have not the wherewithal to startup businesses to support themselves, hence everyone is completely dependent on the Government for handouts, and of course desperation and corresponding crime rates will only be on the skyrocketing path.

This doesn’t seem right o.
It’s already hard enough for folks from comfortable families to get jobs, we haven’t yet of a child of a beggar becoming President, they have almost no access to the education they . So I think the society can do without beggar children who become more criminals than Upstanding members of society.

LAGOSIAN DEVELOPMENT PLAN: NO MORE NEW CHURCHES!!

Dear Diary,

           Lagos is a fast growing world  metropolis and it NEEDS certain improvements or changes to enable it cope with the rapid growth and not-so-corresponding development.
I shall be posting my views and opinions one by one, daily.

1. No more new churches.
Take note Redeemed Christian Church of God. I’m tired of seeing 6 of you in one street, and behind my house, with nothing tangible to show for your presence therein. I would have thought that the church is a congregation of light-bearers and salts-of-the-earth. Alas, in spite of the pervading presence of numerous churches in Lagos, crime abounds, healthcare still is above the reach of the needy, instead of education to be made available for the not-so-wealthy, the church creates schools with insane costs of tuition and not-as-high corresponding standards of education.

The only sign of the presence of the numerous church gatherings on our streets is the noise. The incessant ‘holy’ noise.

There is the Mountain of Fire gathering that screams death by fire every other morning on my street. They won’t pray for peace in our nation, they won’t  take out of the offerings and tithes they raise to fix the deplorable little road of our street, they won’t have a cook-out to feed hungry children, they won’t visit the hospital nearby with food and provision. No. They will only pray with fire from their tiny concave. Or is it conclave? There are more than 5 churches in my tiny street and there is no development therein.

I’m not blaming the church for the state of the areas in which it finds itself or accruing the entire responsibility of providing much needed infrastructure the Government has failed oh so graciously in providing for its citizens on the church, but then again, isn’t it only fitting that the church steps up to do what the society has failed to do in only so pragmatic ways, healthcare, love, accessible education? What does the church do with our money? God’s money? Other than clothing the Pastors and buying them more jets than billionaires all over the world of course.

Please no more preaching and praying until I see you show actual real original (Nollywood) love.

I believe it was St Ignatius who said “Preach the Gospel. If necessary, use words.”

Whatever happened to adding value to the community? No, the church only takes and takes and never gives back.
Don’t get me wrong, many churches are getting it right. Like the one I go to.

(No names called)

(The Waterbrook Church).

But for every 100, only 5 churches try to do the right thing.

So, the Lagos State Government should ban further formation of new churches. No one should be allowed to sell property or rent to any new church. Let the numerous ones already on ground learn to get the work of God done. Abeg, we need the space the extra useless churches are occupying to pray for wealth and  miraculous job opportunities to actually build offices and business spaces to help curb the unemployment rate that isn’t getting lower.
Lagos is not the only God-fearing city in the world. Of which, even that God-fearing status it claims, is highly disputable

On Being Caught in the Middle of a Mob Fight

Dear Diary,

        I was at Orile on Wednesday. As I got there, a young thug started beating a young lady up, and she was not having it. She kicked back, screaming and clawing at him. He kept pummelling her, in public. You know how public Orile is. Next thing you know, a bigger thug tore off his shirt and started beating the younger thug. He punched him, pushed him in front of cars, thankfully the traffic was tight so the cars weren’t moving any faster than freshly-fed anacondas. 

A crowd gathered to watch the spectacle, and before I knew what it, everyone started beating each other up. Punches were thrown without a care, spit flew in every direction, bags and shoes were hurled at people. It was a freak show.

And there I was caught in the middle of it.

How I managed to escape the mob action is a miracle.
When I managed to crawl out from the middle of the action without a scratch or being pulled back in, I saw a couple of Police Officers standing by, watching the action and laughing.

The Nerve!!!

THE END!!!

Lagos Beggars.

Dear Diary,

There is this little boy who begs on the Ikeja road to the airport. He twists his right hand to look deformed. Not a very good attempt, if you ask me.

It cracks me up really.
Maybe I should take a photo.

I have looked at him closely, there is no burn or deformity there. I have even seen him at unguarded moments when his ‘deformed’ hand isn’t so deformed anymore.
Then I pity him. He couldn’t possibly have decided to stand on the road begging, could he?

Begging in Lagos….and the rest of Nigeria has become a lucrative business. In Calabar, they used to bring them in vans to beg early in the morning and at night they’d be whisked away to submit the proceeds of the day to whoever their pimp is. I hope the State Government has been able to do something about it.

There’s the lady with the pepertual scowl on her face still here in Ikeja under the bridge. Since I started working here at the airport in 2012 till now, I see her everyday quoting the same not-so-sad-anymore story “please help me, my mother is dying. She’s at the General Hospital.” I used to give her money but now I’ve grown weary of her. One time I actually asked her “Your mama never die yet?”

Then there are the others who beg and take phone calls with rather fancy phones that I don’t even use.

There’s this man I met at Oshodi who was begging every and anyone for N20 to add to his money to pay his fare to Obalende. He’d been begging everyone and still begging me. So I told him “oya come let me pay the bus fare for you. Enter the bus!” He shouted at me o. He told me to not spoil his market if I do not want to give him money.
Girl, I ran away o. Before I will just see a Nigerian movie play out in front of me where his fellow beggars will surround me and beat me.

Let’s not forget the “corporate beggars.”

Makes me feel bad for those genuine beggars who have nothing. Cause I hardly want to give to any of them.

Failed Audition.

Dear Diary,

           I failed an audition today, simply because I “look too young”.
Damn this beautiful face!!!

As I got there, na soté buff buff macho men full ground for there o. Fear catch me sef. I thought they would all beat me and throw me out to better their chances, considering that I was by far the skinniest (and prettiest) one there.

Oh well. I was told “sorry, I’m sure you’re fantastic, but we are looking for someone between the ages of 29 and 33 and you are just too young.”

“(and pretty).” 

I said thank you to the gruff-faced man, put on my Ron Beis and walked out into the baking sun.
And to the gym.

If you’re reading my journal and have any thoughts, please let me hear them. Post your thoughts down below. Thanks.